Last Thursday, as I’m sure you already know, was Valentine’s Day.  I have mixed feelings about this “holiday,” which most men believe was dreamed up by women to make them thoroughly miserable by stressing over how to deliver on the romance.  Let’s face it.  Most men are not all that romantic and the very idea of having to come up with the perfect gift, date, words of passion, etc., make them break out in a cold sweat.  The difference between men’s idea of romance and women’s idea of romance are poles apart. (We women already know what men’s idea of romance is and it has nothing to do with candy and flowers).  Men know if they fall short of their significant other’s expectations, they risk the dreaded cold shoulder which only women are capable of exhibiting with any degree of finesse.  To make matters worse, women never clue men in on how they failed, leaving them clueless and helpless so as not to accidentally repeat the offense.  It is quite simple, really.  We ladies want our men to act like the heroes in our romance novels and romantic movies.

In reality, however, have you ever known a man in actual life to behave like those heroes in romance novels or movies?  No, no, and no.  This is why romance novels are exclusively written by women for women.  How many men do you know who read romance novels?  Yeah, I thought so. To illustrate my point on the differences between male and female ideas of what constitutes romance, have you ever read a token romance scene in an action novel written by a man? There’s not much about the electricity that shoots up his arm at the accidental touch of their hands or the softness of her lips brushing against his.  There are no scenes where the male characters’ knees go weak at the mere sight of the lady he has his eyes on.  No, a male novelist’s romance scenes are more along the lines of porn, which just goes to show they have no clue.  Their female characters always act like cats in heat.  I won’t go into detail.

This is perhaps why Hallmark movies are so popular with women.  We know they are strictly fantasy, but, hey, who cares?   It makes us feel good with our fairy tale happily-ever-after Prince Charming, who will never leave his dirty underwear on the floor or the toilet seat up.  We can dream, can’t we?  But, seriously, how many women do you know who were standing at the altar with “Mr. Not Quite Right, But Good Enough” when “Mr. Right” burst through the back door of the church declaring his undying love and inability to live without her?  Although it does kind of beg the question of why “Mr. Right” waited so long.  And do you know any woman who was ready to board a plane to parts of the world unknown in order to forget the love of her life, when suddenly “Mr. Love of Her Life” crashed through the security gate begging her not to go?  That is, assuming he got that far with airport security all over him.  One can only surmise the couple will pick up from where they left off after he is paroled.

I would venture to say that  few of us have had that kind of drama on our journey to finding true love. In my case, my husband finally asked me out on our first date with the hopelessly romantic words, “I have a coupon for a two-for-one dinner at the officer’s club which is getting ready to expire.  Would you like to go with me?”  All I can say is it worked and the rest is history.  He is now my chunk-of-chunk of burning love, who knows not to waste money buying me flowers on Valentine’s Day.  After all, you can’t eat flowers.

And now abide these three; faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love. 1st Corinthians 13:13

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