One of the items on my bucket list is to be a contestant on Wheel of Fortune. I have always loved game shows, although the only three I watch are Jeopardy, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, and Wheel of Fortune. There is no way I could ever be on Jeopardy. The only categories I’m good at are the Bible or medical related questions, and the chances of getting both those categories on the same show are slim to none. It amazes me that people even know the answers to some of the obscure categories, like libraries in the ancient world or rivers in Lithuania. Questions about art/artists, Shakespeare, and geography—things I know little about— are frequently featured. Sports, forget it. Rappers, no way. Even a lot of the literature questions are about books and authors I’ve never heard of. Plus if I actually knew the answer, I would still have to ring in before the other two contestants, and I’m sure my brain would freeze up under the pressure. Besides, at the end of the show, the only contestant who gets to keep his/her money is the winner. The second and third place contestants get a lousy $2000 and $1000 even if they end up with $20,000. That’s a lot of work and a lot of stress for such a little bit of money which probably doesn’t even cover the costs of transportation and lodging for the contestant to get to the studio. So Jeopardy is out.
Millionaire is fun to watch, but the problem is you have to take the questions in order. There are a lot of times when I know the answer to the $10,000 and $20,000 questions, but not the $7000 question. Sure, I know that’s why the lifelines are there, but they aren’t always that helpful. I can guarantee the 50:50 will take away the easiest answers to eliminate, leaving the two most difficult choices. Of course a lot of contestants sabotage themselves by announcing which answers they’re debating between, so naturally those will be the two answers left. The audience is generally good for anything having to do with pop culture, but not so good at other information. The plus one is a toss up depending on the category. But I’d probably get stuck on an easy question or give a wrong answer to something that everyone in the world except me knows, so Millionaire is out, too. Besides, I’m a terrible gambler.
That brings me to Wheel of Fortune. I have to say as a couch contestant, I rock at solving the puzzles. This is why I need to get on that show. I’m a lot smarter than those dummies who stand there clueless when the answer is so obvious! I even shout the answer at the television, but they don’t get it. Of course if I actually do make it as a contestant, I will probably spin nothing but “bankrupt” or “lose a turn.” Or I will know the answer when it isn’t my turn. Or my brain will go into stage fright mode, rendering me a blathering idiot unable to remember the alphabet. Or—and this is the worst scenario of all—I will actually make it to the bonus round with the million dollar wedge, get the million dollar card in the spin, and blow the answer. Of course if I did get the correct answer and win a million dollars, I would be so shocked I would likely have a heart attack and keel over right there on national television, leaving my winnings to my greedy and wasteful heirs.
Nope, it’s not worth the risk. I may as well just stay on my couch and solve all the puzzles. This way I can’t possibly lose.