I am a coupon queen. If I can save ten cents off something, I am ecstatic. While I don’t go to the extreme of some people who scour the internet and spend hours downloading and grouping coupons and planning their shopping trips accordingly, I do take advantage of the coupons I get. To this end, I know what I have when I go to the commissary and choose many of my purchases based on coupons, making sure I have exactly what is specified. Which is why, the other day, when I came up against the “Coupon Nazi” checker, my patience became sorely tested.
“This coupon says for TWO Sargento cheese snacks. Did you buy TWO?” the checker asks in a snarky voice, indicating I may have tried to sneak that $0.75 off past her.
“Yes, I did,” I inform her.
She doesn’t believe me and has to paw through all $250.00 worth of groceries she has already rung up to verify I am not lying.
“This coupon is for All Laundry Detergent,” she says, shoving the coupon back at me. “You didn’t buy All Laundry Detergent.”
“It says for All Laundry Detergent OR Snuggle Fabric Softener,” I say, putting my thumb on the fine print and shoving it back at her.
The baggers are pointing to the liquid fabric softener at the end of the counter.
“I only see one. Did you buy TWO?” she asks.
“Yes, the other is right here.” I show her the box of dryer sheets she has yet to ring up.
“Did you buy TWO Mueller’s pastas?”
“Yes I did,” I answer. “I bought noodles and macaroni.”
She makes the baggers produce the already bagged noodles. They have to unpack and repack three bags.
“Where’s the other one?”
I pick up the box of macaroni she hasn’t scanned yet and wave it in her face.
“This coupon is for the battery powered Oral B toothbrush,” she states.
“I bought the battery powered toothbrush,” I tell her.
“Are you sure?”
I am starting to get annoyed. Do I look stupid enough not to be able to distinguish a regular toothbrush from a battery powered one? Or do I look that unscrupulous as to attempt to pass off a coupon for a simple manual toothbrush instead of a battery powered one? But this coupon is for $5.00 off. I am not backing down.
“Yes, I’m sure. The coupon was hanging right in front of the battery powered toothbrushes.”
My husband has just belatedly picked up on the exchange. “This is for a battery powered toothbrush,” he says, unhelpfully.
Now I have to fight TWO of them. I turn around and fix him with a withering glare. “I KNOW! I BOUGHT a battery powered toothbrush! My old one won’t turn on anymore!” I say through clenched teeth.
“Oh, okay,” he replies, giving me a wounded look.
The Coupon Nazi finally concedes and finishes ringing us up. I have saved almost $26.00 in coupons. I am victorious, even if it took a fight. There are some battles worth fighting, as this is enough to cover the service charges and the baggers’ tip. The woman clearly didn’t know who she was messing with.
This is why I go to the self-service lines at the commissary. The only time my coupon is inspected is if the machine rejects it and I need a human’s assistance. Usually the machine is wrong….