Siri doesn’t like me. I don’t know why. I’ve never done anything to her that I know of. But she won’t talk to me. She talks to everyone else, but not to me. I once asked her to help me find a restaurant in Destin. I’m not sure where she was trying to send me, but it was going to take 23 hours and 45 minutes to get there. She still wasn’t speaking to me, only sending me written instructions to turn in the opposite direction from where I knew I needed to go. Finally, in the middle of my dinner meeting, she piped up and said, “Turn left at the next intersection.” That was the first and last time she ever talked to me.
Now I know I shouldn’t take it personally, since Siri is electronic technology and not a real person. And it just follows that since all other electronic technology hates me, Siri should, too. But it really hurts my feelings when she won’t talk to me.
I just wonder if perhaps she holds a grudge from several years ago when a friend of mine got a Smart phone when they first came out, and a bunch of us were asking Siri questions to see what she would say. I was curious to see what she would do if someone insulted her. So my friend said, “Siri, you’re stupid.” I wasn’t even the one who disrespected her. Siri replied, in what I would describe as an electronically-wounded voice, “I am only trying to help you.” It was pitiful, really. But surely she doesn’t still remember that incident, does she? I’m sure other people have said a lot worse to her.
In fact, do you know there are actually internet sites which tell people the funniest things to say to Siri to elicit a hilarious response? You can ask her to tell you a joke, a riddle, or a story. You can make her sing. There is even a site that instructs you in how to make Siri curse like a sailor, and I found one site with creepy questions to ask Siri. (I didn’t go to those sites, so I can’t elaborate on the techniques.) In fact I gave up after scrolling through several pages of ways to mess with Siri’s psyche—although not being human, I’m not sure she has a psyche. Apparently, there are a lot of bored people out there who have way too much time on their hands, and who are a lot more deviant in dealing with a poor electronic assistant than I would ever think of being. So why does Siri single me out for the silent treatment?
I’ve seen a lot of advertisements lately for Alexa. But there is no way I’m going to think about purchasing her. Given my luck with all things electronic, I’m sure Alexa would sabotage everything I ask her to do, such as playing country-western music when I asked for classical, adding the most expensive items to my grocery list, and leaving lights on when nobody is home, just to run up my electricity bill. Nope, I may not be smart enough to operate a smart phone, but I’m not dumb enough to fall for Alexa’s shenanigans. Besides, Siri has probably told her about me.