I love the Pluggers cartoons. Pluggers is aimed at the Baby Boomer and the GI generations who grew up during an era in which common sense prevailed and technology was absent. The pluggers featured in the cartoons are usually in the form of anthropomorphic animals. I often find myself identifying with the “pluggerisms” that are sent in by readers, as I am the typical older person who sometimes longs for the simpler days gone by. Sometimes I feel more and more that I am being left in the dust. But today’s comic really wasn’t just limited to pluggers. It showed a bear eating a pizza and drinking a “zero” soda. The caption read, “A plugger knows a diet soda makes any meal low-cal.”

I lived by that philosophy way before I ever became old enough to be a plugger. I have always known that if you breakfast on donuts and Diet Coke, the Diet Coke cancels out the calories in the donuts. There are several other diet truisms that I have adopted (or made up.) Such as, there are no calories in broken cookies, as the calories all fall out when the cookie breaks. If you eat from someone else’s plate, the calories don’t count. If you eat standing up, the calories don’t count. And if you eat something you don’t really care for, the calories don’t count.

I have always known that chocolate was a health food long before it ever became popular as such. After all, it comes from a bean, and beans are vegetables. Here are a few other diet axioms that I have come to adopt:

  1. Apparently you have to eat healthy more than once to get in shape. This is cruel and unfair.
  2. I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
  3. Exercise? I though you said “Extra fries.”
  4. If you ate it in the car before you got home, it never existed.
  5. Why can’t mosquitoes suck fat instead of blood?
  6. Never diet on an empty stomach.
  7. “Stressed” spelled backwards is “desserts.” Coincidence? I think not.
  8. Vegetables are a must. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.
  9. “Diet” is “die” with a “t.”
  10. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
  11. Bikini season is just around the corner. Sadly, Baskin-Robbins is closer.
  12. My favorite exercise is chewing.
  13. My favorite food groups are Not Good for You, Bad for You, Terrible for You, and Get Your Affairs in Order.
  14. I want buns of steel. But I also want buns of cinnamon.
  15. Why can’t I be comforted by carrots? Why does it have to be chocolate?
  16. Hippos’ diets consist of salad. Just sayin’.

There you have it. Feel free to use any of these sayings to justify whatever eating habits you like. You’re welcome.