In case you haven’t noticed, the stores are full of hearts and flowers, which means Valentine’s Day is upon us. Now you only have to find the perfect card, the perfect gift, arrange the perfect date night, and be the perfect Valentine. No pressure. Perhaps you feel the whole Valentine’s Day celebration is just one more commercialized gimmick to make a buck. You’d be partially right. The annual Valentine’s Day profits for candy and jewelry alone runs into the billions for retailers, so it’s okay to be a bit cynical about commercializing love. With that said, let me assure you that you are not alone. Here are some quotes to help you lighten up and laugh as you navigate this holiday.

1. I was married by a judge. I should’ve asked for a jury. —Groucho Marx
2. As a man in a relationship, you have two choices: You can be right, or you can be happy. —Ralphie May
3. By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. —Socrates
4. Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. —Richard Jeni
5. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. —Joan Crawford.
6. Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. —Jules Renard
7. Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage. —Ambrose Bierce
8. Love thy neighbor—and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier. — Mae West
9. I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? —Jean Illsley Clarke
10. People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy. —Bob Hope
11. Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is. —Anonymous
12. I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me. —Jenny Han
13. You know how people say, “You can’t life without love? Well, oxygen is even more important.” —Dr. Gregory Houser
14. Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings. —David Sedaris
15. A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love. —Friedrich Nietzsche
16. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing—and then marry him. —Cher
17. Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed. —Albert Einstein
18. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are. —Will Ferrell
19. The great question which I have not been able to answer . . . is, “What does a woman want?” —Freud
20. Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from. —Nora Ephron
21. An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. —Agatha Christie
22. My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light. —Rodney Dangerfield
23. What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork. — Pearl Bailey
24. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. — Bill Maher

And my favorite:
25. All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. —Charles Schulz