Every Sunday at church, before I move to the piano to begin my prelude, I put my cell phone on vibrate. The last thing I want to hear is my phone ringing while seated at the piano, competing with my music. Last week, however, as I was muting my phone, a text caught my eye. It started out, “I will always love you.” What? Who sent this message? I doubted it was Hubby, as romance is the furthest thing on his mind right before starting a church service. At least, I think it is since I have never received a mushy text from him before church—or at any other time, for that matter.

Curious, I opened the text. It read, “I will always love you. Why? Because you’ve always loved me! THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM DONALD TRUMP.” From Donald? To me? Although I appreciate Donald’s love, I couldn’t help but think this message was somewhat inappropriate. First of all, Donald has never had the pleasure of meeting me, so how does he know he loves me? Second, although Donald proclaims to love me, I feel it is a bit presumptuous to assume I have always loved him. I will admit to certain traits I like in him, but I also have to admit he has certain traits I dislike. Not the least of which is the fact both of us are married. What would Melania and Hubby think of Donald’s and my love for each other? I am a pastor’s wife, for heaven’s sake. How would it look to have Donald proclaiming his love to me and insinuating that I reciprocate his feelings?

When I clicked on the link that came with the text (yeah, probably a mistake), the message went on to say, “Your support means everything to me! I’m writing you this letter because I know you’re a TOP PATRIOT!” At this point, I became somewhat disillusioned, thinking perhaps Donald only loved me for what I could give him, namely my vote. He SAID he would always love me, but I can’t help but think his love may be contingent on certain conditions. Would he still love me if I didn’t vote for him? And, come to think of it, how would Donald know who I voted for? This whole dilemma is a bit alarming because not only does Donald have my cell phone number, but he apparently, like Santa, knows my every move.

Another question that arises from this unexpected declaration of Donald’s love is his assumption I am a top patriot. Does that imply there are others who are NOT top patriots? Merely so-so patriots? How did I get chosen for this supreme honor? I don’t remember submitting an application. He goes on to say, “It’s because of you and you alone that I will NEVER SURRENDER.” Me and me alone? I’m sorry, I can’t handle this pressure and responsibility. Aren’t there a few other people besides me on whom Donald can depend? What about Melania? He lays on the pressure even more, saying, “Through thick and thin, I’ve always known that you’d never give up.” Give up what? I wish he’d be more specific because I have given up a few things in my life, and I don’t want him to be misled and disappointed in me. “You’ve never left my side!” To the best of my knowledge, I’ve never been anywhere near Donald’s side. Or is his statement a mere figure of speech? I’m so confused.

Now that I think about it, I’m starting to suspect I’m not the only recipient of Donald’s message. Does that mean he’s cheating on me with other voters? At the bottom of the text is a box where I can send a personal response to Donald. I think I’ll ask him to stop sending me love texts. At least on sunday mornings, as I’m trying to get my mind in a spiritual attitude. Besides, if Hubby ever found out, he might be worried I’d leave him for Donald. After all, the man has money!