Last week, Hubby and I were blessed to cross another item off my bucket list by taking a Danube River cruise. The trip was a once-in-a-lifetime experience—once we got there. The downside is to get to Europe, one has to take several airplanes. The upside is air travel gives me lots of ideas for blogs.

As we sat in the Fort Walton/Destin Airport waiting to board our flight to Atlanta (I’ve heard it said that to get to Heaven from here, one has to go through Atlanta), I had time to make several observations. First, Hubby was hungry before we even left the airport and pulled out the snacks I’d packed for our 24 hours of travel. The tourists returning home from vacationing at the beach were easy to spot. They all sported sunburns. I felt smugly superior to them until we got to Europe, and I realized I had forgotten to pack sunscreen. When we boarded the plane, the crew told us they were excited about serving us. I didn’t really see that much excitement. We did not get any drinks on the short flight to Atlanta, so I guess the flight was service enough. I’m not complaining, as even with a delay, we managed to arrive in Atlanta in time to catch our next flight to Amsterdam.

On our eight-and-a-half-hour flight to Amsterdam, during the boarding process, we were advised several times about how to stow our carry-on luggage, as not following instructions “slows the boarding process down VERY immensely.” I couldn’t help but reflect on how “VERY immensely” differed from mere “immensely,” but it must have been significant enough to qualify it with the adverb “very.” And yes, this was a US crew, so English was their first language. In the flight attendant’s announcement, she told us that if we lost our electronic devices, “don’t adjust your seat or ask a flight attendant to help you.” I’m sure that announcement came out wrong. Because this was a long flight, we had a “dining experience.” Yes, they actually referred to eating airplane food in a cramped little space as a “dining experience.” I don’t know about you, but to me, a dining experience is what we had aboard the cruise ship, not on the plane. I suppose I should just be grateful they fed us, even if identifying WHAT they fed us was difficult. Still, I guess eating horrible food with plastic utensils from a cardboard carton with a tray table slammed into our knees could be described as an experience. I realized they didn’t clarify what kind of an experience.

The crew told us to let them know if there was anything they could do to make the flight more enjoyable. Then they made announcements every five minutes that interrupted the movie we were trying to watch, the game we were trying to play, or the sleep we were not getting. We were also informed there was an individual aboard with a peanut allergy. I’m not sure why we were privy to this information. I hadn’t planned to share the trail mix I brought with my fellow passengers. I’d intended to keep it between Hubby and me. Maybe peanuts on our breath could invoke a severe allergic response? Just to be safe, we didn’t eat any trail mix.

The Amsterdam airport is an adventure all its own. After walking for miles from one terminal to the next (no excellent transportation like in Atlanta) and then going through customs, we ended up in a gate area where they bussed us out to a tarmac in the middle of nowhere to board our plane. Not only were we bussed, but we boarded the bus by “zones.” Hmm. Not quite sure why that mattered, as we weren’t assigned bus seating. Doug made the mistake of scanning both our tickets simultaneously instead of scanning one ticket and going through the gate, then letting me scan mine. As a result, I was manhandled by a gate agent and shoved through another gate. After being up all night, I almost came out swinging when the agent put her hands on my shoulders (none too gently) to physically move me instead of politely asking me to step to a different gate. I guess assault is legal in Amsterdam.

The last leg of our trip was from Amsterdam to Budapest. The nice flight attendant gave us a mystery sandwich. I had to read the wrapper to identify it as egg salad. I had no idea one could make simple egg salad taste so bad. Nevertheless, I ate it. Little did I know that on our return trip, we would get a cheese sandwich that tasted like they’d left the plastic on the cheese slices, which made the egg salad delicious by comparison.

At last, we arrived in Budapest ready to start our cruise. Going through customs in Budapest was a pleasant surprise. We simply walked out. If only Atlanta would be so simple when returning home. If you have had the wonderful experience of navigating customs in Atlanta, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, I have plenty more airport blog fodder for later. For now, my body says it’s bedtime, even though it’s only three in the afternoon.