While sitting at the doctor’s office the other day, I perused Facebook and came across the things people actually say to authors on a fellow author’s (Collen Snyder’s) post. I asked her permission to share some of these comments, and she graciously agreed. It turns out she got them from another author, Edie Melson, to give credit where credit is due. The comments in parentheses are Edie’s. I’ll save my own comments for another time. I’m sure most of my writing friends can relate to at least a few of these comments/questions.

1. Are you published? (I really don’t have the space here to get into this. I usually just do a mental eye-roll.)

2. I have an idea for something you should write about. We could split the profits. (Yeah, I do all the work and you get half of almost nothing. Sounds like a deal to me…)

3. I wrote a book. Can you contact your publisher/agent for me? (You really wouldn’t like what I had to say about you.)

4. Why don’t you take the day off, it’s not like you work for a living. (Unprintable reply)

5. Can I read your manuscript? (Like I don’t have enough stress in my life already.)

6. Writing must be the easiest job in the world. (If you like 20-hour days, pennies per hour, horrific critiques, and serving up your heart for others to chew on daily.)

7. Anyone can write a book; what else do you do? (See number 6)

8. You should get that published. (Really? Like I hadn’t thought of that.)

9. I’ve heard that if you….you’ll be a much better writer. (Nothing I like better than advice from someone who has no clue.)

10. Aren’t you finished with that yet? (I am. I just decided not to submit it.)

11. I hate reading, it’s such a waste of time. (Unprintable reply)

12. Have you ever written anything I might have read? (How do I know what you’ve read?)

13. Will you read my manuscript? (*running and screaming in the other direction*)

14. Are you still doing that writing thing? (Believe me, if I could quit, I would.)

15. When can I get your book for free? (What part of “I do this for a living” do you not understand?)

16. Can you edit/write my essay for me? (I write commercially, not academically. There is a difference.)

17. Will you make me a character? (Only if I can kill you.)

18. What do you do with all your spare time? (In the vein of number 17, why don’t you come over and find out…)

19. Writing, can you make a living at that?

20. Writing, it must be nice to make so much money for not doing anything.

Credit to Edie Melson!