In an earlier blog, I wrote about how I had inadvertently been hurting my dogs’ feelings for years without realizing it. But the good news is, despite my inadequacy as a dog owner, my dogs think I am not merely the person who fills the food bowl. Oh no. I am the center of their universe. The sun. The moon. The bringer of snacks. The opener of doors. The Supreme Being of Squeaky Toys.

Yeah, I read another Facebook article about signs your dog is obsessed with you, but to be honest, I didn’t need to. I pretty much knew.

If you have a dog, you may recognize a few of these telltale signs that your dog is… well… a little fixated on you.

1. You Have a Permanent Bathroom Audience
Privacy is a distant memory. Your dog believes that if you close the bathroom door, it’s a clear cry for help.

2. The “Are You Coming Back?” Stare
You stand up from the couch for two seconds, and your dog looks at you like you’re boarding a ship to sail around Cape Horn.

3. You Cannot Walk Anywhere Alone
Kitchen? Dog. Laundry room? Dog. Garage? Dog. You are basically the Pied Piper of Fur.

4. The Lean
Some dogs lean against you lovingly. Others lean against you like a 70-pound sack of potatoes that has suddenly decided you are structural support.

5. The Personal Space Invasion
If your dog could unzip your skin and climb inside like a kangaroo pouch, he probably would.

6. The Snack Radar
Your dog can hear a cheese wrapper being opened from three counties away. Meanwhile, he cannot hear you calling his name when he’s outside.

7. The “I Thought We Were Doing Everything Together” Face
You dare to fold laundry without including him? The betrayal is palpable. Especially when you deny him the opportunity to lounge on the freshly folded T-shirts.

8. The Door Greeting of Eternal Devotion
You were gone for three minutes to take out the trash, but your dog greets you like you returned from a three-year expedition in Antarctica.

9. The Midnight Security Patrol
Your dog must sleep touching you at all times—preferably sideways, diagonally, or directly on your legs, so circulation is optional.

10. The Emotional Support Shadow
Feeling sad? Your dog knows. Feeling happy? Your dog knows. Opening the refrigerator? Your dog especially knows, and all your other emotions are forgotten at that point.

11. The “Helping” Behavior
Trying to make the bed? Your dog helps by lying on the sheets. Trying to read? Your dog helps by sitting on the book.

12. The Jealousy Factor
Pet another dog and watch your own dog appear instantly, wedging himself between you and the other dog like a furry bouncer.

13. The Gift Delivery System
Sometimes it’s a toy. Sometimes it’s a sock. Occasionally, it’s something unidentifiable that you probably do not want to ask about.

14. The “Let’s Talk About My Needs” Paw Tap
You stop petting for three seconds, and suddenly there’s a paw gently—yet insistently—reminding you that your job is not finished.

15. The Car Companion
Your dog assumes every car ride is a grand adventure together. The vet visit is simply an unfortunate misunderstanding.

16. The Eye Contact
Dogs stare at people they love. Your dog stares at you like you’re the last slice of pizza on earth.

17. The Morning Wake-Up Committee
Your alarm clock is unnecessary when you have a cold nose pressing against your face at 6:00 a.m.

18. The “I Missed You While You Blinked” Greeting
Leave the room for 10 seconds, and your dog greets you like you’ve just returned from the Civil War.

19. The Couch Magnet
No matter how large the couch is, your dog sits exactly where you planned to sit.

20. The Guard Dog Routine
He barks ferociously at the delivery driver… and then hides behind you for protection.

21. The Love That Never Turns Off
Your dog thinks you’re brilliant, heroic, and probably capable of opening any container that holds snacks. No matter what kind of day you’ve had, he is absolutely certain you are the greatest human who has ever lived.

And honestly? That kind of devotion is hard to beat.

Of course, some people say dogs are obsessed with their owners because we feed them, walk them, and provide all their needs. But I prefer to believe it’s because my dogs recognize greatness when they see it.

Either that… or they think I’m a slightly incompetent butler who occasionally drops cheese.