I had a depressing Thursday morning. My husband and I went to the Social Security office to sign up for Medicare. Yes, Medicare! There is no way I can possibly be this old. It’s only been fairly recently that I have come to terms with the fact that I am an adult now—although there are still times I feel like a child who is playing house, totally ill-prepared to deal with real life. How dare Medicare sneak up on me?
I know I sound like all old people who reminisce that it seems like only yesterday that such and such occurred. But in my case, it truly does feel like only yesterday. I sit in the bleachers at Darion’s football games and think about the fact it wasn’t that long ago I was out there on the field in my sequined majorette outfit twirling (and dropping) my baton at halftime. It might not be so painful if the band didn’t play the same pep music like “Smoke on the Water” that was played when I was a teenager.
I work with new young veterinarians who weren’t even born yet when I started practicing. Talk about depressing! I could not only be their mother, I could be their grandmother! Yet it seems likes it wasn’t that long ago I walked across the huge Ohio State stadium at my graduation ceremony and received my diploma stating I was finally a real veterinarian. Some days I still don’t feel like a real veterinarian. I wonder if the imposter syndrome will wear off sometime before I retire.
Now that I’m finally at the age where I feel mature enough to raise children, I realize that even if like Sarah in the Bible, I conceived a child at the age of ninety, I would be sent to a retirement home before the kids were out of preschool. Even the fact that I have grandchildren doesn’t bring out the warm grandma fuzzies in me. Besides, they’re technically my husband’s grandchildren, so it doesn’t really count.
This is quite upsetting to someone who never expected to see forty. Not that I had a wish to die young, mind you, I just never thought the time would move forward to that point. Now I realize that not only did time pass, it went barreling down the road at warp speed. I guess I kind of saw myself as Peter Pan—never having to grow up. And then I look at my wrinkles and flabby body and my joints ache and I fall asleep in the middle of the afternoon, and I tell myself this is all so inherently unfair. I’m not old enough to be this old! Inside is a twenty year old wondering what the heck happened. I still have quite a bucket list to check off.
Wasn’t it just yesterday my husband and I were dating? How did it happen that all of a sudden I wake up next to an old man? I remember we couldn’t wait to start our married life together and it seemed like an eternity until the wedding, then yesterday we celebrated our 28th anniversary. Twenty-eight! We celebrated our anniversary at the Think Pink cancer event at church. Then he came home and worked on his sermon while I watched a Hallmark movie by myself. How romantic!
I know there are advantages to getting old, such as free drinks at Chik-fil-A. But Medicare? Come on! I am suddenly faced with the reality there aren’t that many milestones left for me. Retirement, social security—as long as it holds out—then what? My last milestone—my tombstone! However, my plan to live forever is working so far, so why worry? The best years are yet to come!
HAPPY 28TH ANNIVERSARY TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, DOUG. I PRAY GOD BLESSES US WITH AT LEAST 28 MORE. WE’LL BE LOVERS UNTIL WE’RE OLD AND SENILE. THEN WE’LL BE NEW LOVERS!