I mentioned in an earlier blog about the plethora of gift-idea catalogs I receive every year. One of the most popular gifts featured is T-shirts, with every conceivable saying on them. Reading the T-shirts slows me down from getting through the catalog, but is often a high-point in my day (I know, pathetic, right?) because some of the sayings are so funny. Not that I would ever dare wear a T-shirt with some of these sayings, but just the thought is so tempting.

I actually bought two T-shirts from a catalog. The one for my older son read, “Just be thankful I’m not a twin,” and the one for my younger son said, “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” Let me share a few more that amused me (keeping in mind I have a warped sense of humor).

  1. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  2. Since there is only one of me, does that make me endangered or a limited edition?
  3. Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.
  4. I think senility is going to be a fairly smooth transition for me.
  5. I do what I want, when I want, where I want! Except I gotta ask my wife . . . one sec
  6. Exercise? I thought you said EXTRA FRIES.
  7. Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body.
  8. I’ve learned so much from my mistakes . . . I’m thinking of making a few more.
  9. I thought the dryer shrunk my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
  10. Sometimes I meet people and I feel bad for their dog.
  11. Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a Galaxy Far Far Away.
  12. I could be a morning person if morning happened at noon.
  13. People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable.
  14. My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness. I said, “No, we all seem to enjoy it.”
  15. Reality called. I hung up.
  16. I accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 6.
  17. I’m going to stop asking, “How dumb can you get?” People seem to be taking it as a challenge.
  18. My body is a temple. Ancient, crumbling and probably cursed or haunted.
  19. My husband thinks I’m crazy. But I’m not the one who married me.
  20. One minute you’re young and fun. The next you’re turning down the car stereo to see better.
  21. I thought growing old would take longer.
  22. Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.
  23. Things only crazy cat ladies do . . . ask one cat where the other one is when you can’t find them.
  24. I came. I saw. I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps. Got lost on the way back. Now I have no idea what’s going on.
  25. AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE: I don’t care who dies in the movie as long as the dog lives.

I hope all the hours of my hard research have brought a smile to your face. You are welcome.