I mentioned in an earlier blog about the plethora of gift-idea catalogs I receive every year. One of the most popular gifts featured is T-shirts, with every conceivable saying on them. Reading the T-shirts slows me down from getting through the catalog, but is often a high-point in my day (I know, pathetic, right?) because some of the sayings are so funny. Not that I would ever dare wear a T-shirt with some of these sayings, but just the thought is so tempting.
I actually bought two T-shirts from a catalog. The one for my older son read, “Just be thankful I’m not a twin,” and the one for my younger son said, “I’m not arguing. I’m just explaining why I’m right.” Let me share a few more that amused me (keeping in mind I have a warped sense of humor).
- If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Since there is only one of me, does that make me endangered or a limited edition?
- Don’t grow up. It’s a trap.
- I think senility is going to be a fairly smooth transition for me.
- I do what I want, when I want, where I want! Except I gotta ask my wife . . . one sec
- Exercise? I thought you said EXTRA FRIES.
- Being cremated is my last hope for a smoking hot body.
- I’ve learned so much from my mistakes . . . I’m thinking of making a few more.
- I thought the dryer shrunk my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator.
- Sometimes I meet people and I feel bad for their dog.
- Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a Galaxy Far Far Away.
- I could be a morning person if morning happened at noon.
- People who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full miss the point. The glass is refillable.
- My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness. I said, “No, we all seem to enjoy it.”
- Reality called. I hung up.
- I accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I’m the proud owner of aisle 6.
- I’m going to stop asking, “How dumb can you get?” People seem to be taking it as a challenge.
- My body is a temple. Ancient, crumbling and probably cursed or haunted.
- My husband thinks I’m crazy. But I’m not the one who married me.
- One minute you’re young and fun. The next you’re turning down the car stereo to see better.
- I thought growing old would take longer.
- Common sense is not a gift. It’s a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.
- Things only crazy cat ladies do . . . ask one cat where the other one is when you can’t find them.
- I came. I saw. I forgot what I was doing. Retraced my steps. Got lost on the way back. Now I have no idea what’s going on.
- AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE: I don’t care who dies in the movie as long as the dog lives.
I hope all the hours of my hard research have brought a smile to your face. You are welcome.